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When I arrived at Bellevue College last Saturday, I felt something amiss. The staff, usually calm and friendly, seemed just a tad frazzled as we exchanged greetings. I went to set up my room for the five-week self-defense course I'd be teaching that afternoon, then returned to the front for my roster. As passed the front desk manager, he said, "We really could've used you this morning! We had one woman stab another in class. It was an anger management class."That's generally not what I'd expect in a continuing education facility known more for high tech than high crime. Goes to show you never can tell for sure what can happen even in safe spaces. And why the first rule of self defense is to be aware and open to possibilities.Read the story here.
Goes to Show You Never Can Tell
Two weeks ago I blogged about a Manitoba judge's sentencing for a rapist:http://safetyinseattlenews.blogspot.com/2011/02/its-creepy-and-its-kooky-but-neither.htmlToday I found this spot-on blog post that begins with the very same judge (blog written by Krista Ball):http://kristadball.com/blog/archives/553The bigger picture, aside from a single judge's sentencing, is the depiction of rape. It's not about sex, it's not about a "misunderstanding," it's about power and control.It's about teaching consent, so sorely missing because of embarrassment and/or shame around sex. Open discussion around these difficult topics would remove some of the stigma, and perhaps even result in a few more young women recognizing how to set their own boundaries and NOT GET RAPED.
Creepy and Kooky, Revisited
When can no "no" = yes?When someone does not clearly communicate a lack of consent to sexual acts. At least under the law, according to the King County Prosecutor's Office.I don't closely follow sports, but you'd have to be living under a rock in Seattle to miss the story of UW basketball star player Venoy Overton allegedly providing alcohol to two 16 year old girls and engaging in sexual acts with them. You can read the Seattle Times' story of his arrest for providing alcohol here: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2014433742_overton09m.html. Please note that he has not been charged with sexual assault, because:King County Senior Deputy Prosecutor Carol Spoor called the case "highly problematic" because the girl participated in sex acts under "situational pressure." State law, Spoor wrote, "places the burden on the victim to clearly communicate a lack of consent to the suspect, which she did not do."Most of the articles on this incident focus on the loss to the team of this player, at least for the Pac-10 tournament. However, UW basketball coach Lorenzo Romar is quoted as saying he'd put Overton back on the team roster should they be invited to the NCAA tournament (otherwise known as "March Madness"). Because his guy made a mistake, and this is a teachable moment.As a teacher, I'm all for the teachable moment. Some mistakes, however, are more far-reaching than are others, and I am also all for appropriate consequences. For the girl who feels coerced, this experience will likely be deeper and longer-lasting than any repercussions felt by either the Huskies or Overton. Every teenager and young adult will face "situational pressure." (Heck, EVERY person will face situational pressure, over and over, in their lifetimes.) These instances can feel like being stuck between a rock and a hard place: the choice often seems to be between going along with the group or not having friends. How do we help young people recognize what they want for themselves, honor that, and still live fulfilling social lives? This should be a teachable moment for young people, male and female, about consent. But we won't be seeing that in the sports pages -- or any other media pages -- anytime soon. Sexual assault is the social-issue wolf disguised in the individual-sheep's-problem clothing.Madness, indeed, is not limited to March.PS - Learning to assert boundaries is sadly lacking in too many teen girls today. This kind of sensible savvy is practiced in Strategic Living's For Teen Girls Only Self Defense classes. Next session will be April 2 in Burlington WA, and then April 9 in Seattle on the UW campus.
The Fuzzy Formula, or Still Another Reason Why Rape is Under-Reported
Basically, because I am really, really, really far off his radar. So that's easy for me to say. I just read Should Women Fear Charlie Sheen Now? According to this article, some women should have feared him over a decade ago. Others may have cause to fear him now. I would say the degree of fear is directly correlated with one's physical and emotional proximity to Sheen. He seems to be a tad unstable, must be the drugs talking.My professional advice: if you happen to see Charlie Sheen coming, just walk the other way. BUT I also want to emphasize that if a woman does find herself in close proximity to Sheen and he DOES shove her or throw furniture at her (or both), SHE IS NOT TO BLAME. Mr. Sheen, drugs or no drugs, is wholly responsible for his actions and should be held accountable for his choices.
I Do Not Fear Charlie Sheen!
Last weekend I attended the Association of Women Martial Arts Instructors' annual conference. Great presentations on a variety of topics, including one relevant to this blog. Silke Schultz presented Understanding the Roots of Aggression, about social conditions that lead some people to violence and possible ways to mitigate the effects of these negative conditions.In passing, Schultz noted that in recent years the rate of girls arrested for violent behavior has increased. This is probably not a surprise to you -- I've been hearing about it for over a decade now. Actually, what I've been hearing from the media (and repeated by my students) is that girls are becoming increasingly and brutally violent, at astoundingly rapid rates. About 5-10 years ago this issue was a media darling, with esteemed venues such as Newsweek declaring it a "burgeoning national crisis" (of course until the next burgeoning, or imminent, or catastrophic, crisis steals the headlines).I am a big fan of gender equality, but media claims that girls are becoming just as violent as boys is not exactly the expression of equality I'd like to be seeing (if we'd like to exploit a different stereotype, I'd rather see that boys are becoming just as relationship-oriented as girls).Because we live in the Information Age, with just a few clicks of the trackpad I found a paper from the US Department of Justice (DoJ) called Understanding and Responding to Girls' Delinquency. This article was useful in elucidating issues around girls and violence.First, as I've been saying in my self defense classes for a LONG time, the rate of violence in the United States is DECREASING. Looking at the DoJ article's conclusions, the authors found that:Available evidence based on arrest, victimization, and self-report data suggests that although girls are currently arrested more for simple assaults than previously, the actual incidence of their being seriously violent has not changed much over the last two decades. This suggests that increases in arrests may be attributable more to changes in enforcement policies than to changes in girls’ behavior. Juvenile female involvement in violence has not increased relative to juvenile male violence.This article also mentioned that assault rates are overall decreasing, and the rate of decrease was more rapid for boys than for girls in some categories.But what makes a "better" news story -- that girls are increasingly arrested for violence, or that girls are becoming more violent? Apparently, the latter.
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Violent Girls: A Dubious Equality?
Got an email from one of my blog's readers a few day ago. His company, Home Alarm Monitoring, has its own blog about safety. He thought that readers of Safety in Seattle would also be interested in this post:http://www.homealarmmonitoring.org/year/10-types-of-self-defense-anyone-can-learn/Written by a woman who was mugged right outside her home, she gives ten tips that she feels would have helped her at that time. I like her emphasis on easy ways to fight back, and in my self defense classes have students drill these, and more. Thanks, Allen, for sharing!
From Home Alarm Monitoring's Blog
I was just surfing on the web this morning, and came across an ebook with a totally AWESOME title:Self-Care and Self-Defense Manual for Feminist ActivistsI haven't had a chance to read it cover-to-cover, but just leafing through the pages this appears to be a very thorough and articulate personal safety book. Certainly better than 99% of what's on the market. If you are concerned about social justice issues, if you want to be out there making a real difference in the world, and you want to keep yourself physically and emotionally together, download and read!
AWESOME Online Resource
When we talk about date rape in my self-defense classes, I usually begin thusly:Once upon a time, in a galaxy not at all far away, conventional wisdom said that rape was committed by lonely, horny guys. Such a guy would encounter a woman who dressed a bit too provocatively and acted a tad too flirtatiously, and "lead him on." So of course he couldn't control himself and whoops! his penis fell into her.Little did I know that a judge in Manitoba was telling the same story! Except that Judge Robert Dewar was taking this tale literally when he declined to give a convicted rapist any jail time (the prosecution asked for 3 years incarceration). Why? Because he felt that "sex was in the air" at the moment and whoops! the poor guy couldn't control it.Read the article here: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/breakingnews/rape-victim-inviting-so-no-jail--rape-victim-inviting-so-no-jail-116801578.html This article is a pretty good example of how sleight-of-mouth can downplay the gravity of the offense. For instance, defense attorney Derek Coggan stated that his client was just "insensitive to the fact that [the victim] was not a willing participant" in that night's sexual intercourse. After all, no force was used, no weapon shown, and they were both drinking.Last I checked, rape was defined as sexual penetration where one party is not a willing participant. Being an "insensitive guy" isn't a crime. But being a rapist is.The defendant will, however, have to write a letter of apology to the victim. Whew! I was beginning to worry.
It's Creepy and it's Kooky; But Neither Mysterious nor Spooky
Three days ago I was contacted by Kassi Rodgers, an editor for the Seattle University Spectator (their newspaper) about safety and self-defense in and around campus (as well as the greater Capitol Hill area). Her article came out yesterday.And I was not the only one to notice that when women fight back against their assailants, they tend to succeed.You can read the entire article here.Did I mention that when women fight back, they tend to win? In this article, I also mentioned that more women are reactive than proactive. Yet waiting until something evil is on your doorstep is not the best time to learn to defend yourself.You too can learn some pretty simple yet amazingly effective self-defense techniques. What are you waiting for?
Fight Back = AWEsome!
In classes for teen girls I'm often asked what to do when some guy, either a stranger or someone they barely know, approaches and begins asking overly personal questions. A simple "I don't want to talk at this time" is certainly polite, and right to the point. "I don't give out that information," said in a neutral tone, is also direct and sets a boundary without being nasty. But some girls still take issue with a direct response. Because it's "rude." And I hear from some adults who work with girls that it's just "who they are."Who are you, really?Are you always the person you wish you could be?Food writer Ruth Reichl faced similar questions, but in a different context. As the restaurant critic of The New York Times beginning in 1993, Reichl knew that her reviews would powerfully influence the rise and fall of restaurants big and small; a great review could mean vastly increased revenue and prestige. Restaurant kitchens, she found, had Reichl's picture plastered on the wall and a reward for any staff member who spotted her. Reichl's clever solution was to come up with disguises for her dining excursions. And her disguises went beyond wigs and makeup -- she envisioned what kind of person she'd become. With the help of an acting coach, she transformed herself. And it worked, sometimes too well. She found herself falling into her roles--often to the delight, but sometimes to the dismay, of her dining companions.(Reichl details her escapades in her charming book Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise.)"Chloe" was a blonde bombshell who seemed to know precisely how to intrigue men. "Brenda" was warm, funny, kind, and approachable. Elderly "Betty" blended into the furniture, and was treated as a castoff. "Emily" was brusque and bitter. All different personalities, yet along the way Reichl recognized them all as elements within herself (and she decides she wants more Brenda and less Emily). Reichl had the epiphany that controlling how others treated her could be as simple as changing the way she dressed and projec
But That's RUDE!
. . . both domestic violence, both violent assaults. One ends in murder, the other in resurgence. This first article highlights the self-defense class given to honor a woman killed by her estranged husband. This class raised funds for a scholarship for a Jefferson County resident who plays softball, basketball or volleyball. The story never mentioned if Mary Daniels, the murdered woman, has a love of any of these sports, or why the funds were to go for softball, basketball or volleyball specifically. I would have expected some sort of donation to a domestic violence education program or shelter. Nonetheless, good to see that about 100 women learned some skills. Too many women wait until they need the skills immediately before taking self-defense seriously.This second story is a bit different. The woman survived. Christy Martin is a fighter, literally. She's a boxer. Her to-be-ex had been her trainer. She told him she was leaving, and he declared that if he couldn't have her, nobody can. He almost managed to kill her, but she was able to escape and flag down a passing car. In her 40s, she was generally considered way past her boxing prime, but just over 3 months after being left for dead, she will again enter the ring.Three essential keys to successful physical self-defense are (1) recognizing when someone has the potential to harm you and taking preventive measures, (2) knowing some effective physical skills, including escape strategies, and (3) attitude. Attitude underlies the other two keys. Success, and not just in self-defense, hinges on attitude. But, if you're a regular reader of this blog, that shouldn't be news to you.
A Tale of Two Cases . . .
My mother would have been 90 years old this month. In her long life she experienced a lot as a member of the Greatest Generation: the Great Depression, Second World War and its Holocaust, the Baby Boom, better living through chemistry, the cultural upheavals of the sixties and seventies, feminism, the Cold War, Reaganomics, undeclared "wars" across the globe, declared "wars" on poverty and drugs. Unprecedented prosperity and change. She got her first computer at the age of 87. She outlived most of her friends.She never outlived her values.My mother always knew who she was and what she thought important. Regardless of the mores of the day, her certitude of what was right and what was wrong never wavered. She was not shy about conveying these values to her children. By the time I was 12, I knew precisely what she would reply to any request.Mom and I disagreed often. She played very safe, which I felt was far too restrictive. I am more inclined to assess challenges and take calculated risks. But despite our differences, what I learned best from my mother was to know your own values and boundaries, and honor those first.The first items on my Safety Plan worksheet ask about your goals and plans. What gives your life meaning? What do you value most? Because, regardless of their approach to risk, women who are clear on these will keep themselves safer.PS - to learn more about planning for safety and other self-defense strategies, sign up for a self-defense class.
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And Now, Another Word from My Mother
Raise your hand if you feel there's not enough gratuitous, needless, and random violence in the world. Hmmm, not seeing a whole lot of hands out there. I thought as much.Valentine's Day is not exactly the first holiday that pops to mind when thinking self-defense training. But it could be.In all my classes, you use your voice. You also raise your voice, deploying words like NO and STOP and LET GO and BACK OFF. These are not exactly your positive relationship-building, Valentine-inspiring words. But they are important words to use at the right time.If you are like virtually all my students, you want to recognize when someone means you ill. You want to have what it takes to say NO to people and events that will negatively impact the quality of your life. And you want to be someone who makes a difference.You want to be able to say NO some of the time so that you can more confidently, more assuredly, and more enthusiastically say YES to people and events that will engage you, that will offer you growth as a person, that will provide exciting challenges. You want to say YES to good friends and productive opportunities. You want this world to be a better place, and you want to contribute to this work-in-progress.One of the foundations of this work is in the relationships you forge with others, particularly those closest to you. True, February has become a "Hallmark Moment." But we do not have to wait for marketers to tell us when it's OK to treat one special person extraordinarily well for one evening. If I were Supreme Ruler of the Universe, Valentine's Day would be a Day of Service (similar to the Martin Luther King Jr. Day of Service in January) focusing on bringing vivacity and gusto into our spheres of influence. My challenge to you for today: come up with one way you can make somebody else's today a tad better.Sincerely, JoannePS - As my Valentine's Day gift to you, I've created a new handout on healthy relationships. Feel free to download it and share with family and friends.
Valentines, Voices, Vivacity
Late yesterday afternoon I got a call from Gary Horcher, a TV reporter for KIRO 7. He was looking for a self-defense expert to talk about safety for women runners. Those of you living in Seattle probably have heard about the rash of assaults on women out running. About a half dozen or so in the last couple of months. So I met with him and his camera man, we taped a short interview, then they filmed a little of that evening's class. Thanks to all my students who tolerated it, and to their credit Gary and camera did a really good job at being relatively unobtrusive.So check out the story at http://www.kirotv.com/livestreamvideo/26692015/index.htmlAll my five week Self-Defense 101 classes for this winter have already commenced, but I do have another that will start March 22, a couple of one-day seminars on February 13 and March 20, a Teen Girls Only class on February 27, and a Self-Defense Weekend Workshop beginning Friday March 11.
In the News, (Almost) Live on TV
[NOTE: To listen to this podcast, download at this link: http://www.strategicliving.org/Sound_Safety_1-24-11.mp3] Today's topic is women who run. Not with wolves, nor with scissors, but who just plain run. Or jog, or speedwalk, or walk. Whatever. You're doing it OUT THERE.Because there's been a lot recently in the local media about women who've been assaulted while walking or jogging in some of Seattle's most popular parks. And I'm asked if women should even be out running about before dawn or after dark (for instance, you can listen to an interview I did on KOMO Radio on Dec 21, posted on both this blog and on my website, where the host felt that maybe women should not be out and about at those hours).I say it depends. I for one resent the idea that women are told that we have to severely limit activities because of a few creeps, and I do recognize that these creeps are out there looking for targets. This is a real and serious threat. Consider what you are willing to face and how you will reduce your risk. If you are ready to acknowledge that yes the lack of light plus fewer (if any) other people around do put you at higher risk, and you are willing to take that risk and be ready to fight back, then yeah go for it. Some ways you can reduce your risk of being targeted in the first place are to find a workout buddy or group (or start one yourself), or choose routes that are more likely to be visible and populated.And, speaking of running, I'm also often asked about listening to music. Now, listening to music on your mp3 while running does put you at higher risk, because you're seen as less aware of who's around you, and you know what, you probably are. So why do people still do it? Well, it's been shown over and over that music enhances your workout. It energizes you, it gets you into a groove, it makes you happier and you have a better workout. And, to be honest, if you went out running with your iPod, about 99.98% nothing bad will happen and you will return home safely. As an aside, that's a testament to the incredibly safe world we live in today. But that's a topic for another blog and podcast entry.I say if you are ready to acknowledge that yes the impairment of your hearing and hence attention to your environment puts you at higher risk, and you are willing to take that risk and be ready to fight back, then go for it. But consider what you willing to do to reduce your risk.For information on upcoming self-defense classes, visit Strategic Living Safety and Self-Defense Training.
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Running. Safety. Both.
In mid-December I offered a self-defense clinic for runners at Road Runner Sports at Greenlake. Lots of people participated (I was told that this was one of their best-attended clinics ever), and the organizer took this little video clip. WARNING: one instance of foul language happens!Road Runner Sports hosted this free clinic in light of the spate of recent assaults on women runners recently in some of Seattle's most popular parks.To learn and practice these skills and more, sign up for a self-defense class today.
Using Your Voice
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